What matters most? Living by rote or living by engagement

Living by rote implies living in a mechanical or habitual repetitive fashion.  Conversely living through engagement connotes the condition of being in gear.  Are you on the sidelines or are you in the game?  As James Hollis, Ph.D. states in his book, What Matters Most, we can ” live an unconscious, unreflective, accidental life”, or we can “live an interesting life, a life that disturbs complacency, a life that pulls us out of the comfortable and thereby demands a larger spiritual engagement than we planned or that feels comfortable”.  Being out of your comfort zone could be considered the elixir of life. It is being in gear for whatever life throws your way that you grow in confidence, in wisdom, in acceptance.

For example, golf continuously challenges one’s playing skills and thinking abilities.  In a tournament, the desire to play well enhances an added sense of anxiety and latent fear.  The recent Derby Day Tournament is a good example.  Two person teams (male and female paired according to handicaps) played alternate shots acting as one golfer playing one ball.  She hit a shot; he hit the next shot, and so on.  The team with the highest score on each hole was eliminated.  To add to the tension of the game, there was a gallery of onlookers who had wagered on their Derby team to win, place, or show.  In this arena, the everyday golfer was definitely pulled out of her/his comfort zone.  Not only was one expected to play the partner’s shot wherever it lay, one was expected to keep the ball in play and moving forward.

It can be said that golf is a game of inches—the five inches between the right side and the left side of the brain.  The thinking brain can be your ally or your enemy.  In cognitive therapy, the goal is to understand that preceding every behavior is a thought that drives the action.  If you want a better life, change your thoughts, change your life.  In golf school they teach that bad thoughts, lead to bad swings, lead to bad shots.  If you want a better game, understand that good thoughts, lead to good swings, lead to good shots.  Sounds simple doesn’t it?

Back to the Derby Day Tournament.  On the first tee your partner pulls his drive and lands right smack in the middle of the trees.  He says, “I could have bet a ton of money that I would do that.”  And he was right.  He did do that.  So what are you thinking as you head toward the ball, knowing you have to play that shot?  First, you just witnessed a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Secondly, you know that good thoughts, lead to good swings, lead to good shots.  Change your thoughts, change your game. 

You evaluate your options—a sideways shot back to the fairway; or a low, stinger shot through the trees; or a high, soaring shot over the trees toward the green.  What’s the risk to reward ratio?  What are your capabilities?  Can you “see” the successful flight of the ball?  Yes!!!  It’s an eight iron reaching for the sky, flying up and over the trees toward the green.  You focus on outcome, not “what ifs”, not mechanics, not the gallery.

You commit.  You execute. You engage in the challenge and not in the mechanical or habitual repetition of performing.  You are out of your comfort zone, yet you wrap yourself in the act of doing therefore negating fear, butterflies and nervousness. The shot flies over the trees and onto the fairway!  What a great game!

Golf imitates life.  Right now YOU can choose to engage in the act of living life fearlessly; to dump complacency; and to go for the risks and rewards of a life well-lived. No matter what pops up in your mind, your body, your relationships, your work, or your family, you can forge ahead.  You can cast aside worry, doubts, and fears and embrace the vision of what you “see” for yourself, for your family.  Just do it!!  It is in the doing that we build confidence, strengthen our faith, enlarge out compassion, and nourish our spirit.  After all, it’s really what matters most.