In the Moment

The wintery weather of the past couple of months has offered extended opportunity for settling in with a good book.  One of my latest finds was Zen Golf—Mastering the Mental Game by Dr. Joseph Parent.  A 30-year PGA Tour instructor who holds a Ph.D. in psychology, Dr. Parent integrates Buddhist philosophy, psychology, and golf knowledge in the art of living fearlessly in life and golf.  He describes ZEN as action with awareness and being totally in the moment free from fear and doubt.

Being totally in the moment in today’s world is difficult.  We live in a world that encourages hurrying and scurrying from one task to another; all the while communicating as we go via texting, cell phoning, and tweeting.  In fact, slowing down and taking time to merely reflect on our thoughts, our relationships with self, others, and our higher being is a rarity.   Colleen Carroll Campbell noted in a recent column that in a study of iPhone users, “people spend nearly half their waking hours thinking about something other than what they are doing, and such divided attention dampens spirits.”

For these individuals, living in the moment could be seen as living in several moments simultaneously without the benefit of feeling calm, alert, and emotionally serene.  And yet, it is quite possible, through the practice of daily meditation, to train the mind to be highly aware and attending to the moment at hand.

How many of us have had the experience of doing something purposeful without forethought of failure?  Yet, if you talk to performers, athletes, educators, writers, or anyone who is out there being the best they can be, you will hear them speak of “being in the zone”; of enjoying with clarity and focus an uninhibited flow of being.  Oh, how delicious that is!  Is there a way to experience this flow more often than not?  There is.

Through the practice of daily meditation a person can come to know an inner respite from the busyness and stresses of everyday living.

Now that word—meditation—throws a lot of people from the get-go.  What is meditation?  How do I do it?  It sounds so new age.  The word meditate comes from the Latin word meditari which means to concentrate.  One way to concentrate is to be mindful.  Jon Kabat-Zinn, founder of the Stress Reduction Clinic at University of Massachusetts Medical School, defines mindfulness as moment-to-moment, non-judgmental awareness.    Such mindfulness is a product of meditation and with practice can be developed by anyone.

The easiest way is to sit on a chair with your spine straight, arms and hands resting on the thighs, feet flat on the floor, and eyes staring straight ahead or closed.  Then, simply breathe.  Breathe in through the nostrils, breathe out through the mouth.  Breathe in, breathe out.  I count as I go since I find this enhances concentration and reduces thought interference.  And believe me, thoughts are constantly intruding.  Without realizing it, you will find yourself tripping along with Busy Mind on some path or other. But here is the cool part.  You merely label the thoughts, without judgment of them or you, as “thinking” and return to breathing in and out. Taking as little as ten minutes a day morning and evening to sit and breathe leads to being able to quiet the mind and in turn being mindful in the moment.  By being able, at will, to quiet and relax Busy Mind, you can be totally in the moment and attending to the task at hand—whether it be writing this article, or planning and executing the next golf shot. 

Initially this daily practice seems so nothing, so un-enlightening.  But, a funny thing happens while sitting on the way to nothing.   Sakyong Mipham, a contributor to the magazine Shambhala Sun, explained it this way:

With consistent daily practice, we calm the waves of our mind at a

deep level.  Then when a tsunami of emotion arises during the day, we can

do what I call “situational contemplation”—looking at the arising emotion

and slowly unraveling it, rather than throwing a tantrum or having another

drink.  Having learned to engage in mindfulness, we no longer struggle

against the world so much.  We can accomplish our activity fluidly, with

ease.

Now in trying to live fearlessly in life and golf, we can all relate to those “tsunamis of emotion” that bubble up and flare out at whomever or whatever happens to be in the way.  These are what inhibit Zen—action with awareness free from fear and doubt.  The beauty of meditative practice is a mind that can be more than the emotions of the moment; a mind that can transcend fear and enter the flow.  Instead of fear immobilizing or forcing poor decision making, the mind can choose to step back, look at the big picture, and focus on the task at hand.  Welcome to Zen golf and Zen living.

Spring into Action

What is it about spring that turns on the juices of life?  What is it about spring that makes one eager to take on a new endeavor?  What is it about spring that energizes one to march forward into new territory?  Is it the waning of winter; the lengthening of the day’s sunlight?  Is it the bursting forth of new growth from crocuses, to daffodils, to pussy willow tails?  Whatever it is, now is the time to hop on board with your own burst of spring growth.  As George Bernard Shaw put it, “Life isn’t about finding yourself.  Life is about creating yourself.”

Now is the time to spring into action!  You want that self to be ready for the coming months, when the sun shines more than the dark prevails; where the outdoors beckons you to get out there and take a walk, hike around the lake, play a round of golf, paddle a canoe, hop on a bike, or fly across the lake on a pair of skis. A body in shape can move more efficiently, more powerfully, more smoothly than a body grown soft and lazy from a winter of hibernating inertia.  A body in shape can breathe more easily and actually enjoy exerting itself.  What do you want for you and your body?

Just as a baseball player knows he needs to exert himself in spring training in order to enjoy a successful season, so does the everyday golfer.  It’s now, while the March madness and the April showers are in force, that one can get a head start toward more stamina, more strength, and more flexibility.  In fact, this goes for anyone who wants to enjoy the freeing days of summer with rejuvenating vigor and vitality. 

The kicker, of course, is that knowing what one needs may be a no-brainer; but doing what one needs is harder than catching a greased pig in a muddy field..  After all, how many people do you know that very candidly will tell you: “I need to lose weight, get stronger, and improve my cardio”; and yet, they are still stuck in “saying” rather than “doing”.  How frustrating is that for them and for you?  How do you get from dreaming and wanting to being a healthier person?

Ronit Baras, founder of the Be Happy in LIFE program, gives the following rules for navigating toward a happy life and achieving your goals:

1. Know where you’re going

2. Believe you can get there “one step at a time”

3. Acknowledge the facts and recognize what you have to work with

4. Roll up your sleeves and get moving; do the one thing that can be done right now

The first rule, Know where you’re going, is paramount to all that follows.  If you don’t have an end in mind, a direction to go, then it really doesn’t matter what you do.  The second rule, Believe you can get there “one step at a time”, lets you break down a goal into small steps.  This stops your wild mind, from shrieking that this whole goal is so overwhelming, why even start.  Taking one small step forward leads to another step.  Your wild mind calms down,   “That wasn’t so bad.  I think I’ll do two more steps.” to “Yes! I can do this!”

The third rule, Acknowledge the facts, is a strategic assessment and personal acceptance of the situation.  “This is the problem (I have no endurance).  This is what I can do NOW (I can walk for five minutes every day).”  Rule number four, Roll up your sleeves and get moving, is the trigger to action.  Baras says, “The first step to getting your goal is to start moving.  You need to do something.”

And therein, my friend, is the challenge.  As human beings we are inherently resistant to change.  We like our routine; we like being in our comfort zone, even if that zone is fraught with dissatisfaction.  We like thinking about changing.  We even like setting goals.  We like daydreaming about eating healthy, exercising, taking time for our self, drinking in moderation, being a better spouse, a better golfer or whatever. 

On the downside, we are satiated with inertia─the inability or unwillingness to move or act.  In the law of physics, a body at rest, or a body in motion, tends to remain in that state unless acted upon by an outside force.  How do we become our own outside force that triggers us to do something?  Nike’s slogan, Just do it, is one way.  Another way is simply to step off into the precipice of change and see how far you can fly.  Once started you then have the law of physics on your side.  You’re an object in motion!  As Michael Breed, the Golf Channel’s dynamic instructor invites, “Come on!  Let’s do this!” 

What matters most? Living by rote or living by engagement

Living by rote implies living in a mechanical or habitual repetitive fashion.  Conversely living through engagement connotes the condition of being in gear.  Are you on the sidelines or are you in the game?  As James Hollis, Ph.D. states in his book, What Matters Most, we can ” live an unconscious, unreflective, accidental life”, or we can “live an interesting life, a life that disturbs complacency, a life that pulls us out of the comfortable and thereby demands a larger spiritual engagement than we planned or that feels comfortable”.  Being out of your comfort zone could be considered the elixir of life. It is being in gear for whatever life throws your way that you grow in confidence, in wisdom, in acceptance.

For example, golf continuously challenges one’s playing skills and thinking abilities.  In a tournament, the desire to play well enhances an added sense of anxiety and latent fear.  The recent Derby Day Tournament is a good example.  Two person teams (male and female paired according to handicaps) played alternate shots acting as one golfer playing one ball.  She hit a shot; he hit the next shot, and so on.  The team with the highest score on each hole was eliminated.  To add to the tension of the game, there was a gallery of onlookers who had wagered on their Derby team to win, place, or show.  In this arena, the everyday golfer was definitely pulled out of her/his comfort zone.  Not only was one expected to play the partner’s shot wherever it lay, one was expected to keep the ball in play and moving forward.

It can be said that golf is a game of inches—the five inches between the right side and the left side of the brain.  The thinking brain can be your ally or your enemy.  In cognitive therapy, the goal is to understand that preceding every behavior is a thought that drives the action.  If you want a better life, change your thoughts, change your life.  In golf school they teach that bad thoughts, lead to bad swings, lead to bad shots.  If you want a better game, understand that good thoughts, lead to good swings, lead to good shots.  Sounds simple doesn’t it?

Back to the Derby Day Tournament.  On the first tee your partner pulls his drive and lands right smack in the middle of the trees.  He says, “I could have bet a ton of money that I would do that.”  And he was right.  He did do that.  So what are you thinking as you head toward the ball, knowing you have to play that shot?  First, you just witnessed a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Secondly, you know that good thoughts, lead to good swings, lead to good shots.  Change your thoughts, change your game. 

You evaluate your options—a sideways shot back to the fairway; or a low, stinger shot through the trees; or a high, soaring shot over the trees toward the green.  What’s the risk to reward ratio?  What are your capabilities?  Can you “see” the successful flight of the ball?  Yes!!!  It’s an eight iron reaching for the sky, flying up and over the trees toward the green.  You focus on outcome, not “what ifs”, not mechanics, not the gallery.

You commit.  You execute. You engage in the challenge and not in the mechanical or habitual repetition of performing.  You are out of your comfort zone, yet you wrap yourself in the act of doing therefore negating fear, butterflies and nervousness. The shot flies over the trees and onto the fairway!  What a great game!

Golf imitates life.  Right now YOU can choose to engage in the act of living life fearlessly; to dump complacency; and to go for the risks and rewards of a life well-lived. No matter what pops up in your mind, your body, your relationships, your work, or your family, you can forge ahead.  You can cast aside worry, doubts, and fears and embrace the vision of what you “see” for yourself, for your family.  Just do it!!  It is in the doing that we build confidence, strengthen our faith, enlarge out compassion, and nourish our spirit.  After all, it’s really what matters most.

Living Fearlessly in Life and Golf

It seems that as a person experiences life transitions, resilience becomes more and more important.  As someone once said, “It’s not what happens to you, it’s how you react.”

In an article for Newsweek magazine, Captain Chesley B. Sullenberger III of US Airways Flight 1549 stated : “…people who are in their own personal crisis—a pink slip, a foreclosure--can be reminded that no matter how dire the circumstance, or how little time you have to deal with it, further action is always possible.  There’s always a way out of even the tightest spot.  You can survive.”  And survive he did, along with his crew and all the passengers, in that emergency landing on New York’s Hudson River.

Perhaps you are experiencing your own personal crisis─the loss of a spouse, a job, a dear friend, or simply the loss of youth you once enjoyed so fearlessly.  How would you respond?  Some react as Capt. Sullenberger did by remaining focused on the outcome and never giving up. Others react by blaming some one or some thing for the spot in which they find themselves rooted.  Others take on the victim role by becoming helpless and despairing.  Others immediately start imagining all sorts of dire possibilities---being forever dependent, being all alone, becoming an invalid, or giving up pursuits they once enjoyed.  Life looks bleak indeed. 

At the very root of all these reactions is fear.  According to Dr. Gio Valiante: “Fear confuses us, limits us, and causes us to achieve less than our abilities otherwise would allow”.  Fear is often in response to what if’s rather than what is.   This fear coupled with negative self-talk leads you down the path of self-fulfilling prophecies.  Rather than focusing on what can be accomplished, you retreat into what if’s and inaction.

In golf there is a phenomenon called the bounce-back factor.  For example, you have a great round going when an errant tee shot rockets out of bounds.  You may tell yourself, “Well, that does it!”  After all, you are two strokes down and still on the tee.  Instead of a birdie or a par you’re looking at a possible bogey or worse.  Do you tell yourself, “Well I just blew this round.  Might as well forget it.”  Or do you look to blame some one (so-and-so talked just when I was ready to hit the ball), or some thing (this tee box is in terrible shape)?   Or, do you tell yourself, “Not to worry.  One shot at a time.  What’s my target?  What’s my line?”   You, then, finish the hole and go on to bounce back with a par or better on the next hole.

In life, just as in golf, YOU can bounce back.  It takes a healthy outlook (Not to worry), a certain premeditated attitude of hope and determination (One thing at a time) to come out on top regardless of what life throws your way.  It is focusing (What’s my target, what’s my line), on what is and being blind to what if’s.  Louis Pasteur had the bounce back factor.  He said, “Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my success.  My strength lies solely in my tenacity.” 

Whether you call it tenacity, resilience, or the bounce-back factor, you can kick-start the outcome to adversity when you remind yourself, it’s not what happens to you that really matters.  It’s what you choose to think about it, and in turn do about it.  It’s overcoming fear with the added bonuses of experience and wisdom.  It’s living fearlessly.